wrigley field is MILF paradise
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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