So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
