so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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