dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
