This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
