Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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