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• (323): View more from California

  Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak

  (1-323): View more from California

  I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole

  (1-323): View more from California

  She's blonde

  Fav 6 2188 1224

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP

  Fav 8 3458 998

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox

  Fav 7 2229 1369

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.

  Fav 29 931 4085

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.

  Fav 11 4849 1278

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?

  Fav 10 1021 2664

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.

  Fav 18 2445 922

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.

  Fav 7 2367 856

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• (904): View more from Florida

  That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.

  Fav 1 818 526

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?

  Fav 5 623 580

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• (858): View more from California

  I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.

  Fav 1 535 266

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.

  Fav 2 577 238

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.

  Fav 2 141 208

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE

  Fav 3 65 18

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