Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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