All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize