Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
