Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
