Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
