i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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