I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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