i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
