It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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