so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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