i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
