what day is it and did you see me today?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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