just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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