nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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