I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
