I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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