Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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