I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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