nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
