Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
