so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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