brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
