whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
