So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
