Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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