just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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