You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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