I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
