i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
