Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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