i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
