I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
