Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
