Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
