Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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