alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize