If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
