I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
