woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
