I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
