Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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