You just made me feel so damn special
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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