Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
