I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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