i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
