South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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