I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
