I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
