I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize