I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
