This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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