I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
