I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
