I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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