you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I can't turn off my feet"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
