Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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