I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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