Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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