So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
