He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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