i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
