I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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