So drunk its hurt
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
