hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
