can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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