When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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