I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
