At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
