We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
