ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
