the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
