Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Holy sore nipples Batman
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
