my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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