I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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