it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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