I think I am morally bankrupt
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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