I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
